Losing A Huge Part of the Family - Your Family Pet

Recently I wrote about death and the post How Do You Handle Death? covered the loss of a family or friend. Many have read and shared this post with others. I have even received emails of condolences. In the last two weeks, I attended two wakes and one funeral. Death as we all know is such a difficult transition for everyone.

It was just a little over a week ago that my husband Butch had to take Zoe to the veterinarian. Zoe a Presa Canario was a gorgeous, loving dog who was the joy of the family. She was a large muscular dog who weighed about 145 lbs. and had a look that would scare the beejesus out of anyone. She was a protective member of the family. She would put everyone on alert whether it is for the family to know that someone is approaching the house or to let the visitor know that the house is under her protection.

On the other hand, Zoe in all of her regal stature, loved to play and wag her heavy tail with excitement which could feel like a whipping when all is said and done. It was clear that Zoe loved her family as much as she was loved. It was noticeable that something was not quite right as she seemed to slow down. Butch took her to the veterinarian on Thursday and waited for word on her diagnosis. On Friday, he was told that they would run some tests on Zoe and get back to him. By Saturday morning, the call came in that Zoe was not doing well and she would not make it through the day. The family got together and headed over to the Veterinarian's to say good bye. Zoe died minutes before the family arrived. It was a very sad moment.

Losing a pet is also a major loss, there is no replacing your pet. It leaves a void in the family as they mourn the loss. The best way to cope with losing your pet is to keep the memories going. Remember the time when she/he did something quite funny or unusual that made you laugh. While some may think you can always buy another dog, which is true yet nothing takes the place of the pet who shared so many moments of your life. Each dog has it's own personality and Zoe had something that everyone can share their own personal connection to her. The memories of Zoe and all of her Marmaduke like moments will forever be a part of my memories of her. She was simply the best!

Zoe: 3/19/02 - 10/8/11

How Do You Handle Death?

One of the most awful experiences is watching your loved one slowly transition on to death. Some may say that it gives one time to adjust to the reality that death is on the way as you will no longer be able to share your lives together. However, for some it really doesn't matter whether you have time to adjust or whether you get the news that your loved one has just died suddenly - without any warning. The pain of losing a loved one cannot be measured by the time you have or have not had to prepare for this loss.

I know how it is to lose a loved one with time to say good bye, make amends, adjust, etc. and I also know what it's like to get the phone call that your loved one has just died suddenly when all seemed perfectly normal and neither forewarning or sudden death feels different to me. It all hurts! It really feels like the world has a lot of nerve moving forward while your world has just suffered a severe blow.

The next step is to digest the reality that it will never be the same and although you hear some people say that they know that their loved one is with them, it's still not the same. Holidays, birthdays, family reunions, weddings, graduations, births, etc. will serve as a reminder that your loved one is gone forever.

Then comes the awkward period, the time when you hear from those who want to express their condolences. Be prepared to hear some thoughtful, encouraging, well meaning sentiments and also some outrageous comments. Yes, somehow some people who really mean well will say some things that can be quite insensitive.

Here are some words that are quite inconsiderate:

* Well, he/she lived a long life (and who are you? the timekeeper? Living a long life does not mean much when you are mourning the loss of someone you've shared your life with)

* Oh, you're still young you can have another baby? (why would anyone say this??!! - Please keep this one to yourself)

* Thank goodness you still have the other children (that's just outright ridiculous! A loss of a child with siblings is a huge loss, a void which will impact the family unit)

* Don't cry, he/she would want you to be happy (crying is fine how can you be happy at a time like this?)

* God knows how much you can bare and he knows best (at that moment, that's good for God but right now, I cannot bare this loss and I don't want to hear it)

* Well, he/she is not suffering anymore and they are now at peace (you may have a point, but that point needs not to be made during the mourning process. Let the mourner come to terms with that on their own time)

A loss of a loved one is an emotional time even for the mother whose child was a menace to society. The best advice that I can suggest is to give your condolences by simply saying - "I'm sorry for your loss."

Here are a few suggestions to consider:

* Stop by and drop off something nice - a pie, a cake, flowers, cupcakes, fruit basket, something nice.

* Don't linger on too long, make it a quick visit. If your friend is lonely, you may want to stay close by just in case they need you. However, give them space even if you are staying with him/her.

* Let your knowledge of your relationship be your guide - a friend knows when to hug, not hug, say something, not say anything but just be there when needed.

* Allow the mourner to cry, do not try to stop them from crying. You're not helping, you are being annoying. If you are uncomfortable and unsure of what you should do, simply remain calm and quiet.

* Family members are usually tolerated for their behaviors, you know they are usually well known for their antics. Death usually brings out the worst in those who are nasty and mean spirited. The drunk family member will be sure to act out. The greed and discussions of who gets what can be an issue even before the funeral arrangements have been made. Fighting on the arrangements, how it should be done and all of the other details can also be an issue of contention.

Overall, death is such an incredible part of life. We are all affected by death and while everyone has his or her own way of dealing with a loss, think of how you would want to be treated - keep in mind it's an incredibly difficult form of saying goodbye.

Coping with Illness & Loss During the Holidays...

♪♪Tis the season to be jolly♪♪ you know -- the songs, the smiling faces, the decorations, the gifts, the atmosphere is all in a festive mood yet not everyone is sharing in the joy of the season. There are families who are having a tough time sharing in the festive season.

This may be the first time that everyone is gathered to spend the day as they always do except that there is something different this time, someone is obviously missing. The loss may be from a divorce, separation, military deployment, illness or death. Whatever the reason, it can affect the mood of those who are facing the holidays without their loved one.
In the case where your loved one is in the hospital, nursing home or rehabilitation facility, perhaps a visit will cheer everyone up. It will definitely make your loved one feel better knowing that he/she is not forgotten.

Remembering the good times is key. Memories may deliver a mixture of emotions. One moment there may be tears as you wish that your loved one could be with you all, while the next moment may be filled with laughter as you recall the happy times. Laughter is the best medicine, I know, laughter has helped us through some very tough times during the holidays. It sure takes adjusting especially in the cases where there is a permanent loss.
There is a saying 'Time heals all wounds' which it does. However, it takes time - some longer than others. The best way to cope is to acknowledge your feelings then allow yourself to embrace the transition of understanding that while life will never be the same, your life must go on.

Human Hearts Unite Around The World!

A few weeks has passed since the earthquake in Haiti. With grateful hearts we give thanks to all those who responded from around the world. The first responders arrived and assisted with the rescue and relief efforts. We understand that the people of Haiti will need a tremendous amount of help for many years to come. Let's plan to continue to give even after the dust settles.

PG - Parental Guidance – A Very Important Role

The role of being a parent is an essential one that requires a firm commitment to protect, nurture, care and love your child. Some parents take on the role of becoming a friend to their child which in some ways may work especially if it allows your child to feel comfortable enough to confide in you with the various uncertainties that they may have. In some cases, the dialog may be one that can help your child in making decisions to avoid drugs, alcohol, sexual transmitted diseases, abusive relationships and many other challenges that he or she may encounter in their lives. However, there are those parents who are friends on a level where they believe that their child should be allowed to do whatever he or she wants. They host parties in their homes so that they can drink alcoholic beverages and smoke with the idea of it being in their own environment, safe at home.
What happens when the role of parenting becomes blurred?

A child loses her life to diabetes when her mother fails to take the appropriate measures in ensuring that her child followed the specific guidelines necessary for her to maintain as close to normal childhood or receive urgent medical treatment when the child became very ill. Georgia Lee Jones is a mother of five who is now facing felony charges in the death of her 9 year old daughter Chasity Butler. According to the reports, Chasity was often sick and in bed. The day before Chasity died, she had stomach pain, diarrhea and vomiting. Chasity did not eat that night or the next morning. However, when mother checked her glucose level and found it dangerously high, she failed to seek medical intervention; instead she fed Chasity noodles and let her eat cupcakes and candy. Needless to say, Chasity died.

A 7 year old Nixmary Brown died at the hands of her mother’s abusive boyfriend. Nixmarry was brutally beaten and tortured while her mother sat silently in another room. This is nothing new as it has happened many times over the years. Joel Steinberg and Hedda Nassbaum were both charged with the death of their unofficially adopted daughter Lisa. Lisa a 6 year old girl was brutally beaten, neglected and malnourished. Unfortunately, there are many other stories that do not make the headlines of major newspaper articles, radio or television broadcast news.

We have heard the stories of parents who have hosted parties for their teenage children and their friends in their homes where they serve alcoholic beverages and partied the night away with drugs. In some cases, those parties were responsible for drunk-driving incidents, alcoholic poisoning, and deaths to drug overdose.

Parents?

Why take a chance on your child’s life? Why host a party in your home that will allow these teenagers to drink and partake of drugs? How cool is it to have someone else’s child leave your home only to end up in a tragic accident? What will you say if a child goes to sleep at your house and does not wake up as a result of alcoholic poisoning or a drug overdose?

Why treat your child to snacks and treats that you know are toxic/poisonous for your child especially when he or she has a specific health condition? Follow the rules of the nutritionist, your nurse and your doctor. After all, they are not trying to deliberately punish your child from having cookies, soda, ice cream, chips and candy. Their first concern is your child’s life.

Why would you allow anyone to abuse your child? Do not allow anyone, your husband, your boyfriend, your partner, or your significant other to abuse your child. It is never ever okay for anyone to hit, strike or discipline your child in any harsh way which includes verbal abuse or withholding food.

The truth is parenting is no easy task. Whatever parenting style we assume, we must recognize that we have a very important role which is to guide our children’s lives. We must guide them and let them see that we are ensuring that besides having the basics of food and shelter, they are safe, cared for, nurtured, loved, healthy, respected and respectful and protected.

Holiday Time! Party Time! How's your Liver?

It's that time of the year where the festivities are at the peak of peaks. The office parties, the celebration of Hanukkah, Christmas and Kwanzaa along with the New Years Eve celebration - this is a season that host a streak of partying and drinking. Well, not to be the party pooper - and since this is a Health & Wellness Blog -I must - I have to pull this one out just for you. Your liver.......

Did you know that your liver is the largest internal organ and it is located in the upper right hand part of the abdomen, just behind the lower ribs and weighs about a whopping three pounds in an adult? Yes, that's right - large isn't it? However, do not let that deceive you. It has an important function more than 200 to be specific.

Here are a few functions of your liver:

1. Detoxifying poisonous chemicals which includes alcohol and drugs
2. It removes poisonous gases and chemicals that we are exposed to by inhaling from the air
3. It is responsible for making bile to help digest food
4. Your liver makes clotting factors to help blood clot
5. It is a manufacturer of new proteins
6. It serves as a storage spot for iron reserves, as well as vitamins and minerals
7. Although this does not apply to adults, the liver makes blood
8. Additionally, it stores energy by stockpiling sugar until needed
9. It processes all the food and the majority of drugs we consume

So you heard that you can get a transplant? Well, yes that is possible. However, it is also possible that you may be the jack pot winner of your state's largest lottery. The truth is although having a transplant as an option for those whose liver cannot be saved - it is also difficult finding a donor. In fact, there are many people who have succumbed to liver disease because not even their family members were willing to take the chance of going through the donor process. It is a known fact that the operation for a donor is more severe for the donor as oppose to the recipient. Unfortunately, some donors have died as a result of the procedure and these issues are discussed in advance of the surgery. Of course your family loves you, in fact they are praying for you and hoping that a miracle will come through for you to receive a new liver. Fortunately, most liver donations are from deceased donors.

Based on current research, the waiting list each year is about 17,000. Of the 17,000 on the list, 4,500 are performed each year which means that the waiting list for those who did not receive the transplantation extends for 1 - 2 years. Needless to say, there are deaths (1 of 4) who were waiting for the transplant. Even after having a transplant, the waiting period to see how well the liver functions is also a sensitive period.

Here's the deal, you cannot survive without your liver. So as you go out to celebrate or have a good time ordering your drinks - keep the health of your liver in mind.

Influenza and You!

The flu season is upon us and it is heavily promoted during the season. It usually begins as early as September and goes through December. However, the earlier you get the vaccine, the better. The vaccine is offered by the following health related organizations and offices:

• State Department of Health
• Hospitals/Clinics
• Doctors Offices
• Community Health Centers
• Schools/Colleges/University Health Centers
  

What is Influenza?

Influenza is commonly referred to as the flu. It is contagious and can be quite fatal. However, in most cases people who have had the flu were able to avoid the most severe complications.

It is spread from person to person – you may have seen it before – a person sneezes or coughs and you see a burst of spray flying out of their mouths or nose and it grosses you out. Hopefully, you are not the offender. However, the virus can be on the door knob, the handle bar of the shopping cart you push around the store, the different hand contacts that you encounter daily and without thinking you may eat something using your hands to place it in your mouth, you may rub your eyes at some point, you do this automatically without realizing that you did not even wash your hands.

Would you believe that one can infect others even before they are aware of any symptoms?

The symptoms include:

• headache
• fever
• chills
• fatigue
• runny nose
• small children - nausea, vomiting and diarrhea more common than in adults
• sore throats
• aches and discomfort in muscles
  

There are various people who are considered high risk for serious flu complications:

• People who have a severe allergy to eggs.
• People who have had a severe reaction to an influenza vaccination in the past.
• People who are older
• People who have pre-existing conditions such as diabetes, heart diseases and asthma
• Young children

Cancer patients who are in treatment must discuss the best possible treatment with their physician. Your immune system is already compromised and it is important that you do not sign up for anything without first clearing it with your physician.

Here are a few pointers that will be most helpful for you:

• wash your hands
• cover your mouth when you cough
• cover your nose when you sneeze
• be considerate of others - get protected for not only yourself but you will also protect your loved ones who may suffer from an illness/disease
• stay at home if you have the flu - why pass it on?
• drink lots of fluids avoid caffeine and alcohol
• allow your body to rest/relax/recuperate
• if you do not remember whether or not you did - wash your hands again
  

It is important to mention that the flu shot may have its share of adverse reactions. If you have recently received the vaccine and you become dizzy, have a high fever, experience difficulty breathing, become disoriented, hoarse or have a rapid heart beat – call your doctor immediately.